NONSENSE COMPASS

Where my heart should look at? I don't know. If someone know the answer, please tell me, because this hurts!
Yes, I know, it sounds like poetry of some sort, but it is matter of the heart. I already tried science. I tried to explain that "love" is not more than just phenyletylamine that is released in the brain. I even had a cure! When I had the abstinence syndrome I just need to take some exogenous PEA. It worked, but I just realized that the PEA is easily discomposed by the MAO. It was more a placebo than anything else. But it worked!

Today I am facing a question of uncertainty. I have this new job, which is not so easy to do but I will be fine, that has a lot of benefits in my growth as a professional. Unfortunately it doesn't allow me to see JC as much as I would like to. In part, this is good because in that way it will make dependence in us. We will miss each other. In the other hand, makes me so sad. The other day I received a phone call from a person that would like to give me an interview for a job I really would like to do. Well, the thing is that I am not sure if I will have to be relocated. I hope not, but I really would like to do this. What can I do if I don't want to leave JC behind?

The story doesn't end there. JC has many doubts. I know he has left a relationship, that he told me was destructive, just a month ago. He said that he would like to have a relationship with me. Something real, something that will last. I don't know what to think, because that's exactly what I want, but he wants to go slow, but he is going very slow. He even can't mention we are couple. He just says we are dating. That's it! Are we just dating with so much love?

I don't want to scare him away, so I am doing a big effort not to look obsessive with him. I just send him a "good morning" message in the morning and a "good night call" at night. I don't think thats much. Actually, if it were for me and my hormones, I will call him every single time, and would like to be pasted at him like a leach. But I love him and don't want to do those things.

If I am in need, I call JT so I will not bother JC. But JT has given me to many advise and has said to many things that I really didn't wanted to hear. He has polluted my mind. He has been right in some points, and I agree with him. The problem is that each time I talk with him, I feel more and more that I am loosing my JC. I don't want to lost him. But JT has put to many doubts in my mind. Is JC really love me? does he really want a LTR with me? Should I stay with him and don't take this big opportunity to do what I want to do (professionally) in case they asked me to relocate? I am not sure about anything. I can't plan or fix other peoples life. Even if I love them, and even more if they love me back. But I am very uneasy with this things.

I really love him. Please Teddy Bear, respond to me!! I am not sure why you arrive this days. I was kind of Ok with out thinking or trying to find someone to love. I was Ok single. But now that you are in my life, I really, REALLY, DO NOT want you away. Wish you could understand me, and forget your fears and tried to just life your feelings. Express them! be free with them. And tried to run by my side!