FLASHES OF ANGUISHABLE HAPPINESS

I am starting to feel pain. But not the kind of pain that comes with something bad. Is the kind of pain that comes from something really good. Like when one eats a very sweet dessert and in stead of saying yummy, one says ahhuugg. Well, that is the kind of happiness I am having right now. Well....the alternative is to stop eating the sweet and starve. What do I want? mmmm.
Well, putting in order my ideas I will say:
1.- I want to keep the relationship with my bear running. He really makes me feel good. He is my everyday happiness maker.
2.- I want a job that feeds me and helps me feed my family. But not only that. I want something that makes me grow professionally and, why not, brings me a lot of happiness in different ways.
The uhgg sweet comes because of the second thing. It looks like everything is going perfect, and suddenly a better alternative pops up. I am afraid that if I took all this goodies I will end with nothing, and even worst, but a very bad taste.
I don't know what I am doing, but I am thinking to solve any doubts about my professional life in a way I will not damage my relationship with my bear. I really don't think he will do the same for me. At least not now. But I really love him and I pray to God he to be the one that will walk the rest of my life by my side.
Let's see where it all ends. I love you my sweetie bear!