RECONCILIATION

Yesterday I took JC to a very special place for me. I expend a considerable amount of money in dinner. He wasn’t the same. I could tell by his look, but we were ok. Later on, I took him to LOS VIVEROS, where I wanted to hug and kiss him. He felt uncomfortable, even if there were no one around to see us. We went to his apartment, as he requested. We drank a glass of wine. He kept smoking even knowing that I dislike it completely and he promise he will leave it alone. Then…we started to get…romantic ;). Suddenly I felt so happy I was with him, and I don’t know why I started to cry. He said I blame myself about something I did. I told him I do not regret anything, but we started to talk. He was disappointed about something. He started to tell me things that have no sense to me. He even said I don’t accept myself, just because I haven’t told Denise about my sexual preference. In one point he even told me I tried to get him drunk and abuse him sexually. He was the one that pull out the wine!!! I told him he was projecting his ex boyfriend on me. I talk and explain many things to him. At the end, he seemed to understand. I’m not sure how true this is. But we forgive each other. He was so happy and lovely, so I was. The only problem is that RL keep sending me messages because I told him I would like to watch a movie with him.
Everything at the end was kind of in a rush, so I really don’t know the terms we are at. But I was happy all night, because I felt that connection again with him. He went dancing with his friends, and I went to the movie theater with my friend. The movie was horrible, but at least I did something, the company was good. I like RL.

Today in the morning, I was so eager to call JC. I did, and I know, I shouldn’t, but I did. He was kind of sleepy, he told me that he dance till six in the morning with his friend Aline. Ok, I told him that is good. I don’t care about Aline, but somehow I feel he thinks I hate her and he wants me to get completely expose to her, so somehow I will accept she is her friend. I don’t care!!! What makes me a bit unhappy is that he can go out with his friends, spend time till 6 in the morning, and he haven’t been able to give one hour when I stay at his home. Well…..I am giving my best. If the relationship fails, it’s not going to be my fault.