NO WHERE TO GO

I really feel the day hasn't been that great. well....when has it been great since I started the year? Mom felt really depressed, she wants to die. I have to deal with my little bro that thinks he has the solution fo the cancer. Job...well, what can I say? I feel my coowrokers do not like me. or at least I feel I did something that they didn't like today. I just try to do my job as well as I can. I didn't recived any training at all when I started. the training I received was directly from them. Then I feel that they hate me because I can't do it right. Well....teach me to do it well!
I am tired and want to go home. I need a bear. lets see what my counselor says tomorrow.

MINDLESS FOR A TITLE

Don't know where to start. If you have been reading this, you will know that I have been depressed. My mom has been sick because of a cerebrovascular disease. I had an unspokable brake with my bf. I chat with him last monday by msn. That was the last time I knew about him after two weeks of not knowing a thing. The conversation was really superficial. I don't think we will ever going back. I will not going to call him again, and for what I see he has no intentions of calling me. I would like to have someone I can love. I really miss having a bf. not him, just the fact of having someone. I made a drawing of a guy of how I would like my bf to look like.
Today my mom had a visit of an anunty she wanted to talk with. I thought I was going to be late for work because there was no one who looked after my mother, so I had to stay, but I took a taxi and I arrived on time. We had visit from the presidency. I like the way I look in this suit, but I need a hair cut. may be tomorrow I will go to the hair dresser.

THE FOLLOW UP

There was a call of a man that had his mom with a lot of problems. Mainly with a spinal problem, she is taking D-propoxiphene. She also has DMII and high blood pressure. He called because he wanted an ambulance for her. He had a sweet calmed voice, but with a tone of urge. Right now I realized I am identifying myself with him. I don’t want that situation with my mother, but I know exactly how he feels. Having the knowledge of what is going on, but been kind of hopeless at the situation. My lord, I want a person that understands me, supports me, and accepts me just the way I am.

I was kind of anxious a few hours ago. I messaged Rafa to ask him for some advice. He told me think in something nice and relax….I thought about my very best friend, Sergio. He is always there to help me out, no matter what. He is the best!!!

TOO MUCH!!!

Frustration. The only way I had to chat with some friends over work was blocked… now….I have nothing. Why they should be so mean with their employees? Don’t know. I have not the answer for this kind of questions, and believe me. I have been trying to figure things out of how life works. I have no idea.

My mom was hospitalized last week because she suffered a stroke in the Wernicke area. She has an aphasia. She is home now. But I feel so sad. I don’t feel this is fair. Not for her, not for me. My brothers attack me. I just work hard to help my mom as much as I can. They have no idea how I feel. My counselor said that they can’t even start to think how do I feel, because they have not the capacity to understand it.

Adding to the pressure of my family that their help is almost null but very demanding of me helping them, is my personal romantic life, which I have been suffering for an unspoken rupture. My bf is a fool. He wants me to fight for a relationship I have only in my mind. If he doesn’t give me a relationship, I will not going to fight for something I don’t see. He is arrogant, prejudice, liar, with no manners.

I need someone that will hold me and tell me…”you can do it”. That’s it. Am I asking too much???