Blue Day

How to describe something so beautiful and at the same time so painful? I left the reader when I was going to the hospital. To the service of Traumatology and Orthopedics. I must add that I left the hospital due to several faints my mom had. I would like to add that she is doing much better now. The point is that I stop going, not only because I wanted to look after her, but because I dropped into a sever depression. I literally didn't care about myself. I had problems even with my hygiene, which I am very peaky. I was dying. If it weren't for my website, I will be dead by now. I worked night and day in the only thing that brought me joy. I realize, by writing in it about me, how I was and where I wanted to be. I wanted to be left alone. The only person that would made me get out of my home, but not with out me complain, was Sergio. I really felt like Shrek, you know, the ogre in the comic movie. Well... even if I wanted to be left alone, I had the need of a chat. So I tried one of the bear web sites. Of course I had my chat, but not with out having to tolerate the uncomfortable "I want to talk with you, give me your phone number" or "do you want to date me?". This people were really stupid, because I really didn't felt like hanging out with any one, so I wrote in my profile, DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ANYONE, JUST CHAT. Apparently there are some mindless people that do not read. Well,
the thing is that for some reason I get to know this only guy that came from nowhere and in the same day made me give him my msn, my phone number, and I get to know him as much as I get to know him. I met his parents and his family (in picture of course). He has been awesome. I don't know why, but soddenly everything starts to change in my life. But so fast. It is so fast, that I am afraid. Afraid of everything. I have known this guy for only three days and I know everything about him and he know everything about me. We are dating. :S And I didn't wanted a lover right now. I had a job, and I will start on Monday. Isn't it that fast?
The only thing that makes me uneasy with this guy is that I have been so depressed and he soddenly took away that depression and turn it into fully happiness. I am right now in a mix of emotions. Loosing from time to time my objectivity and measuring emotions. The doubt right now is what does he want to do? where is he going to?
I feel like hating him because he has access to my heart so easy, and I (exticltly talking) don't know this guy. But I love him because he save me and he is so alike.
How can you love someone that hurts you deeply in your heart? how can you hate someone that brings you to the top in only one day?
I want to see it just as objectively as possible. He is just a guy that shares a lot of things in commune with me. The only thing is that he makes me to produce a lot of endorphin, which makes me feel fully stomach, heart beatings, sleepless, unmeasurable flow of emotions from total euphoria to uncomfortable sadness.
I don't want to get hurt by him. I really want to have a good relationship with him. Look after him as if he were my partner in life. I heard that probably he will have to move to another city.
that makes me even more on easy. I feel this deep endorphinic love for him, that I do not want to loose him. If he goes away. I will feel so hurt. I don't want to feel hurt, and even less for a guy that I have met just three days ago.